Transcript
WEBVTT
00:00:01.139 --> 00:00:05.647
Hello, hello, and welcome back, god's diamonds in the rough.
00:00:05.647 --> 00:00:07.668
We are so glad to be with you one more time.
00:00:07.668 --> 00:00:10.625
If you don't know who I am by now, I don't know what's wrong.
00:00:10.625 --> 00:00:12.169
You heard me.
00:00:12.169 --> 00:00:15.407
I'm Catherine, amen, so glad to be with you one more time.
00:00:15.500 --> 00:00:19.187
Michael is not here, amen, but we do have a guest with us today.
00:00:19.187 --> 00:00:30.405
Her name is Lissandra Barnes, and today's topic is going to be all about domestic violence, a man so prevalent in our society today.
00:00:30.405 --> 00:00:31.908
It is happening all day.
00:00:31.908 --> 00:00:39.030
Every day, somebody is being hurt, being killed, and it's being called love.
00:00:39.030 --> 00:00:42.762
And so, before we get into this conversation, we are going to pray.
00:00:43.325 --> 00:00:45.131
Father, we thank you so much for this day.
00:00:45.131 --> 00:00:52.752
Thank you, god, for allowing us to come together one more time, and I just pray, god, that everyone that is here is here on purpose.
00:00:52.752 --> 00:01:00.914
God, we just pray, lord, that you would speak in such a way that none of us can miss what it is that you're trying to say in this episode through this show.
00:01:00.914 --> 00:01:04.093
God, we pray for this young lady you have brought here.
00:01:04.093 --> 00:01:07.185
God, that you'll continue to just touch in a mighty way.
00:01:07.185 --> 00:01:13.769
Father, we thank you so much and we bless your name and we bless your people In Jesus Christ's name, we do pray.
00:01:13.769 --> 00:01:17.316
Amen, amen and amen.
00:01:17.316 --> 00:01:27.052
Now, without further ado, we're going to ask Ms LaShonda to introduce herself and tell us a little bit about who she is.
00:01:27.052 --> 00:01:28.334
Amen.
00:01:29.161 --> 00:01:31.632
Hi, thank you so much for having me.
00:01:31.632 --> 00:01:36.650
Yes, ma'am, my name is LaShonda Barnes.
00:01:36.650 --> 00:01:39.328
I'm, first and foremost, a woman of God.
00:01:39.328 --> 00:01:41.507
I am a faithful follower of Jesus Christ.
00:01:41.507 --> 00:01:48.623
I'm also a single mother raising three children, some of them which are neurodiverse.
00:01:48.623 --> 00:01:53.694
I'm an entrepreneur and, of course, I'm a domestic violence survivor.
00:01:54.439 --> 00:01:55.602
Okay, amen.
00:01:55.602 --> 00:01:59.629
So how long was it that you was in this?
00:01:59.629 --> 00:02:05.268
Well, how long did it take for it to turn from good to bad?
00:02:05.268 --> 00:02:07.900
Just tell us a little bit about yourself.
00:02:07.920 --> 00:02:15.111
Well, yes, so I was in this relationship for five years.
00:02:15.111 --> 00:02:20.992
We were engaged for three of those five years, but I was in the relationship in totality of five years.
00:02:20.992 --> 00:02:28.921
If I go back to my childhood and stuff like that, maybe that will help put things in context.
00:02:28.921 --> 00:02:33.852
So when I was a kid, I was very reserved, very quiet to myself.
00:02:33.852 --> 00:02:44.544
One of the memories I have of my parents and their relationship is they would argue a lot all the time, and so I remember them getting divorced around middle school.
00:02:44.585 --> 00:02:56.817
For me, and I also never will forget that I was actually happy when they got divorced because for me it was like the peace that came, the fighting stopped, the discord amongst family members stopped.
00:02:56.817 --> 00:03:06.781
So I know it sounds bad, but even as a kid I understood what peace looked like and it was so peaceful after that that I was happy that they separated.
00:03:06.781 --> 00:03:13.174
So I, yeah, I remember, I want to say, meeting my first boyfriend in high school.
00:03:13.174 --> 00:03:40.174
I was about a junior, 16, 17, 17 years old, and he was very kind, very polite, very respectful, and I met him, I want to say, at the beginning of the school year and he moved away to another state and so I did not have a closure from that, and this is the guy that did actually also end up being the father of all three of my children and my now former abuser.
00:03:40.174 --> 00:03:42.347
I met him in high school when I was a junior.
00:03:42.427 --> 00:03:48.941
Yeah, so I'm assuming he told you he loved you all the time.
00:03:50.383 --> 00:03:51.605
Yeah, it was.
00:03:51.605 --> 00:03:52.127
It was a.
00:03:52.127 --> 00:04:05.429
It was a unique situation because after we only knew him for a short period of time um, we were together for a little bit of time he leaves the state I kind of lose contact with him, didn't have closure from that.
00:04:05.429 --> 00:04:15.705
He didn't say he loved me until because we were eventually we reconnected when I was in college, my junior year of college, and we were in a long distance relationship.
00:04:15.705 --> 00:04:26.612
But yeah, and I loved him, I felt like I was trying to recreate what I found in him and hold on to that person that I had met when I was in high school.
00:04:26.612 --> 00:04:33.812
Even over the years and until we got back together, I just did not have closure from that situation.
00:04:34.031 --> 00:04:34.293
Right.
00:04:34.293 --> 00:04:38.668
So did you feel like you were when he left?
00:04:38.668 --> 00:04:49.574
I know you were young, but when he left did you feel like you had like a sense of emptiness that kind of drew you to him, that kept him on your mind?
00:04:51.620 --> 00:04:52.942
Absolutely yes.
00:04:52.942 --> 00:04:59.134
Like from that, from that point, I was like chasing him and I don't advise that.
00:04:59.134 --> 00:05:10.454
But like when I was going to college, you know, I was trying to go wherever he was to school, instead of, you know, finding what it is that God needed me to do, where he wanted me to go.
00:05:10.454 --> 00:05:16.153
I was chasing a man and I do not recommend that at all.
00:05:16.153 --> 00:05:17.081
You know so.
00:05:17.081 --> 00:05:17.865
Yet I didn't.
00:05:17.865 --> 00:05:23.492
I didn't have closure, I needed to finish what we started and it was very hard for me to move on after that.
00:05:23.899 --> 00:05:24.764
Right.
00:05:24.764 --> 00:05:27.463
I'm asking all of these questions, diamonds.
00:05:27.463 --> 00:05:55.108
I'm asking all of these questions in this way because a lot of us, or a lot of people, don't recognize the signs of being broken, maybe not really loving yourself first, not really understanding who you are, because a lot of these situations or domestic violence happens and it's like to the victim, it seems sudden.
00:05:55.108 --> 00:06:02.750
You know what I mean, but for everybody else that's watching and listening, we can see the signs and we're wondering well, how didn't you see it?
00:06:02.750 --> 00:06:09.769
And so you know when you're actually like here, we have been blessed to have somebody who survived it.
00:06:09.769 --> 00:06:16.968
I'm asking these questions to maybe put some signals around you that may have.
00:06:16.968 --> 00:06:18.752
How did it start, lashonda?
00:06:18.752 --> 00:06:20.781
How exactly did the abuse start?
00:06:22.865 --> 00:06:25.891
Yeah, so we initially were in a long distance relationship.
00:06:25.891 --> 00:06:27.853
I had to beg him.
00:06:27.853 --> 00:06:35.886
I know he did communicate to me and I want to mention that he did struggle greatly with like mental health and mental illness as well.
00:06:35.886 --> 00:06:39.822
But I didn't know this till like way later and I was kind of in denial.
00:06:39.822 --> 00:06:42.850
Once he did let me know hey, I'm struggling with these things.
00:06:42.850 --> 00:06:47.026
I was like, no, I know you, you know that person I met in high school, I, I'm struggling with these things.
00:06:47.026 --> 00:06:48.908
I was like, no, I know you, that person I met in high school.
00:06:48.928 --> 00:07:24.163
I was in denial about it and so it started mostly being mental and emotional abuse, which is why I didn't even realize I was going through abuse when I was going through it, because the whole majority of the time it was not physical at all, it was mental, it was emotional, it was manipulation, it was control, walking on eggshells, destruction, him destroying my property constantly, or withholding my property, my phone, the car keys, things like that and then kind of spending my money before I could spend it when I got my paycheck, stuff like that.
00:07:24.184 --> 00:07:26.446
You know, spending my money before I could spend it when I got my paycheck, like stuff like that.
00:07:26.446 --> 00:07:27.627
There are so many different types of abuse.
00:07:27.627 --> 00:07:41.682
But I didn't realize it until one day my pastor's wife she kind of listened to him, like kind of communicate with me and she was like that's verbal abuse, you know, whatever.
00:07:41.682 --> 00:07:44.185
I don't remember what he was saying, but she was like that's verbal abuse and a light bulb kind of went off.
00:07:44.185 --> 00:07:49.233
And over the years I kind of got more knowledge and education on the different forms of abuse.
00:07:49.233 --> 00:08:02.362
There's the mental, there's emotional, financial, spiritual and a lot of them I was experiencing the whole time and I didn't even realize it wasn't physical until the very end, and that's right before I left.
00:08:02.403 --> 00:08:15.416
Wow and see, that definitely, definitely says a lot and it speaks volumes to woman man, because it doesn't just happen to women, it happens to men as well.
00:08:15.416 --> 00:08:25.134
These are like triggers or signals to warn you and God saying to you get out while you can.
00:08:25.134 --> 00:08:27.966
I know here where I live.
00:08:27.966 --> 00:08:28.949
I live in Virginia.
00:08:28.949 --> 00:08:37.649
This young lady, 19 years old, just graduated and a boyfriend killed her.
00:08:37.649 --> 00:08:38.610
He shot her to death.
00:08:38.610 --> 00:08:51.035
I don't know the situation, but this is happening more and more and more, where relationships have become fatal.
00:08:51.035 --> 00:08:56.312
And you know what God brings together, he'll keep together.
00:08:56.312 --> 00:09:08.192
And Ms Barnes and I, we both want to say to you that you know, if it's falling apart, let it fall.
00:09:08.192 --> 00:09:09.394
You know what I mean.
00:09:09.394 --> 00:09:18.365
If, if, if you feel it, you can feel, because we know we have this type of consciousness that says you, I need to get out of this, I need to get away.
00:09:18.645 --> 00:09:24.643
You know, when we see danger, if we see something hot on the stove or something's on fire, you don't go to it, you go away from it.
00:09:24.643 --> 00:09:25.803
You know what I mean.
00:09:25.803 --> 00:09:37.995
So when you find yourself in a relationship where you're being verbally, physically, mentally abused, it's time to get out.
00:09:37.995 --> 00:09:39.336
Do you have a word?
00:09:41.803 --> 00:09:45.576
Do you have something you want to add?
00:09:45.576 --> 00:09:50.344
Yes, so with that I understand it from both sides of the spectrum.
00:09:50.344 --> 00:09:54.724
I've been abused and I've also been like kind of like an advocate or trying to help friends or family members who were in situations.
00:09:54.724 --> 00:09:59.400
And I understand like the barriers that there are, because it's kind of like a movie.
00:09:59.400 --> 00:10:01.488
When you watch it you're like okay, why did they do that?
00:10:01.488 --> 00:10:02.591
Why did they go there?
00:10:02.591 --> 00:10:03.662
Why are they not leaving?
00:10:04.322 --> 00:10:23.755
But for me, there were so many barriers that kept me in that situation, One of them being that and I'm not saying it's okay, but it's like when you're kind of in a certain mindset and or in fight or flight mode, like your decisions are completely different than normally.
00:10:23.755 --> 00:10:28.586
But for me, one of the things was my kids were very young.
00:10:28.586 --> 00:10:36.070
They had to be like I want to say one, two and three at the time, and they were very young.
00:10:36.070 --> 00:10:37.472
I would have had to start over.
00:10:37.472 --> 00:10:38.861
And for me, my parents got divorced.
00:10:38.861 --> 00:10:41.769
I really didn't want to kind of be like them.
00:10:41.769 --> 00:10:43.883
I wanted to break the chain, break the cycles.
00:10:43.883 --> 00:10:49.831
I was thinking about those things and I actually genuinely like really did care for him and love him.
00:10:49.831 --> 00:10:52.783
So that kept me in and I would say right.
00:10:52.923 --> 00:10:58.101
And I would say another thing was the oldest child is actually not biologically mine.
00:10:58.101 --> 00:11:03.601
Now, all three of the kids have the same father, but she has a different, like biological mother.
00:11:03.601 --> 00:11:12.783
So in this situation I was thinking about keeping her out of child protective services because she could not go back with her biological mom.
00:11:12.783 --> 00:11:18.426
That's why she was with us in the first place and, of course, dad was not in the right mental state to care for her.
00:11:18.426 --> 00:11:28.211
So I was left with feeling like, okay, I don't want her to go to foster care, I want to be able to help her, but I didn't really know how, and so that was keeping me in the situation as well.
00:11:28.211 --> 00:11:30.721
And later on I did end up legally adopting her.
00:11:30.721 --> 00:11:35.581
So I still have her, she's still living with me, but at the moment I had no legal rights.
00:11:35.581 --> 00:11:39.851
So I was trying to protect her, but I didn't really know what to do.
00:11:40.620 --> 00:11:41.623
Right, right, right right.
00:11:41.623 --> 00:11:53.225
I definitely get it, because when you got attachments going on, it's a process you know, I definitely, it's definitely a thing you know.
00:11:53.225 --> 00:12:01.456
A whole lot of times, as I was saying, I mean, we just kind of those that are watching, just think, you know, you just cut the cord and that's it.
00:12:01.456 --> 00:12:03.403
But when you're in the middle of it.
00:12:03.764 --> 00:12:05.788
It's not as easy as it sounds.
00:12:05.788 --> 00:12:08.073
Black and white, absolutely.
00:12:08.073 --> 00:12:09.807
But we can't.
00:12:09.807 --> 00:12:11.606
We can't cry over spilled milk.
00:12:11.606 --> 00:12:12.865
It's already spilled.
00:12:12.865 --> 00:12:13.466
You know.
00:12:13.466 --> 00:12:18.745
You find yourself in a situation where you are being abused mentally, physically and all of that.
00:12:18.745 --> 00:12:22.284
My question to you is how did you get out?
00:12:22.284 --> 00:12:23.047
You got out.
00:12:23.047 --> 00:12:23.888
How did you get out?
00:12:23.908 --> 00:12:29.153
Yeah, yes, I always say my way of escape was Jesus Christ.
00:12:30.533 --> 00:12:39.559
The whole time and it's crazy, hey, and I mean that genuinely, because the whole time I had a prayer life before I met him.
00:12:39.559 --> 00:12:46.224
I met God at a very young age, probably around middle school, and I would always pray.
00:12:46.224 --> 00:12:49.486
I was thinking how do people leave the house and do this and that without even praying?
00:12:49.486 --> 00:12:50.567
I was always praying.
00:12:50.567 --> 00:12:51.227
I had a prayer life.
00:12:51.227 --> 00:12:54.899
So throughout that whole situation I have been praying to God.
00:12:54.899 --> 00:12:56.576
I have been reading the Bible.
00:12:56.576 --> 00:12:59.740
I have been asking him please, god, this isn't right to help.
00:12:59.740 --> 00:13:00.894
I knew it wasn't right.
00:13:00.894 --> 00:13:09.903
I didn't know immediately that it was okay this is a form of abuse but I knew how I was being treated, the things that were happening.
00:13:09.903 --> 00:13:14.801
I knew it wasn't okay and I was just praying God, change me, make me a better wife, even though we weren't married.
00:13:14.801 --> 00:13:17.495
Make me a better person, help him.
00:13:17.495 --> 00:13:27.303
I was praying the whole time and I know that God heard every prayer, saw every tear that I cried and he literally helped me to get out that situation.
00:13:27.303 --> 00:13:32.331
And it got to the point where I had to get order of protection against him.
00:13:32.331 --> 00:13:44.025
He moves out, but I let him come back different things like that and it got to the point where it got so toxic and it turned to physical violence.
00:13:44.025 --> 00:13:45.990
It was like somebody's going to die.
00:13:45.990 --> 00:13:49.339
That's how bad it was and I had to make a choice.
00:13:49.339 --> 00:13:51.123
I had to choose God or him.
00:13:51.123 --> 00:13:58.615
And I chose God because it got so bad where I thought either I was going to die or something bad was going to happen to my kid.
00:13:58.615 --> 00:14:06.097
It got so bad so I had to make a choice and I chose God and I ended up breaking my lease leaving.
00:14:08.363 --> 00:14:11.568
Can I go into details about the situation that happened specifically?
00:14:11.568 --> 00:14:13.412
There's a couple situations that happened.
00:14:13.412 --> 00:14:21.956
I remember one time we went on a drive and I think we were looking for an apartment in a different area from where we live at.
00:14:21.956 --> 00:14:32.163
It was about an hour away, it was about to get dark, we were in our van with our three kids and my phone was about to die and I kind of just really wanted to get close back to home.
00:14:32.970 --> 00:14:40.159
So I don't know, for some reason, he had an attitude the whole ride and at the end of the ride I'm just like can we go home?
00:14:40.159 --> 00:14:41.655
He's like, okay, whatever, just turn around.
00:14:41.655 --> 00:14:45.520
So I turn around and he just like loses it.
00:14:45.520 --> 00:14:46.652
He's screaming, he's jumping up.
00:14:46.652 --> 00:14:47.192
What are you doing?
00:14:47.192 --> 00:14:47.953
Where are you going?
00:14:47.953 --> 00:14:48.775
What loses it?
00:14:48.775 --> 00:14:51.240
He's screaming, he's jumping up what are you doing?
00:14:51.240 --> 00:14:52.341
Where are you going?
00:14:52.341 --> 00:14:55.246
He's screaming at me and I'm just asking him are you okay?
00:14:55.246 --> 00:14:55.648
What's going on?
00:14:57.889 --> 00:15:00.091
And I know, during that ride I pull over to the side and he slaps me in the face.
00:15:00.091 --> 00:15:01.653
That's the first time he actually hit me.
00:15:01.653 --> 00:15:05.418
He slaps me across my face in front of the kids and I'm like what is the problem?
00:15:05.418 --> 00:15:06.438
I'm turning around to go home.
00:15:06.438 --> 00:15:10.663
He's like just let me drive, just let me drive so I get out, which was a bad decision.
00:15:10.663 --> 00:15:12.966
I get out, I get in the passenger seat.
00:15:12.966 --> 00:15:16.177
Yeah, I let him drive that whole ride, oh, my goodness.
00:15:16.177 --> 00:15:19.350
So I want to say he pulled over two or three times.
00:15:19.350 --> 00:15:20.351
We were arguing.
00:15:20.351 --> 00:15:22.554
I was like why would you do that At?
00:15:22.595 --> 00:15:24.236
that moment I had lost all respect for him.
00:15:24.236 --> 00:15:28.562
It was towards the end and he was like because you wouldn't shut up.
00:15:28.562 --> 00:15:34.679
And I want to say he pulled over two or three times and was like get out of the car, I'm going to fight you like a man.
00:15:34.679 --> 00:15:41.831
And yeah, he pulled over to the side of the road and said that at least two or three times and of course I did not get out.
00:15:41.831 --> 00:16:02.234
I didn't want him to leave me, I didn't know where I was at with my kids in the car and so the whole ride he's driving crazy, erratically.
00:16:02.234 --> 00:16:11.351
And then we reach, we're coming up to a red light and there's cars stopped up front ahead of us and he begins to accelerate, just broke down and started sob, crying, like I felt, like I didn't know what we were.
00:16:11.351 --> 00:16:12.355
I felt like we were going to die.
00:16:12.355 --> 00:16:13.438
I didn't know what was going to happen.
00:16:13.438 --> 00:16:17.879
Thank God he eventually stops and we try to go through.
00:16:17.879 --> 00:16:18.900
We get home safely.
00:16:18.900 --> 00:16:32.311
Thank God we try and I'm trying to be quiet and hold my tongue just to keep him from, you know, setting them off and stuff like that so we can get back home and we get back home.
00:16:32.392 --> 00:16:38.793
I go through the whole situation of hey, I was going to leave that night, but I was like, hey, you need to get anger management, you need to get counseling therapy, something.
00:16:38.793 --> 00:16:39.616
I'm not staying here.
00:16:39.616 --> 00:16:46.758
And I believe I did try to leave, but he would often barricade the kids in the room and say why are you doing this in front of them?
00:16:46.758 --> 00:16:47.197
I'm the one.
00:16:47.197 --> 00:16:50.022
That's's wrong, you know, but I wasn't leaving without the kids.
00:16:50.022 --> 00:16:52.544
So, um, I did stay that night.
00:16:52.544 --> 00:16:59.951
We go, you know, he gets on the waiting list for services, which are always super long, you know, and I ended up staying.
00:16:59.951 --> 00:17:04.019
But then, after that, um, I believe we went to the grocery store.
00:17:04.401 --> 00:17:30.307
Um, one day and this is something that I just recently shared, and it's been, I want to say, since 2017, when this happened, when I left him I didn't share this part of the story until last year, but I guess I was afraid to but I remember going to the grocery store with them and, for some reason, I had a lot of anxiety, I was very anxious and I didn't want to be around anybody.
00:17:30.307 --> 00:17:43.290
I just wanted to go in with the kids and him, get what we needed, go back home, and then he's running around the grocery store laughing, screaming, acting silly in the store with the kids and I'm like, okay, can you just calm down?
00:17:43.290 --> 00:17:46.435
He was drawing attention to us and I was very anxious, I didn't want attention.
00:17:46.435 --> 00:17:52.505
Like I didn't want attention and um, for some reason I want to say when we get home.
00:17:52.505 --> 00:17:58.294
I questioned him about it Um, he's sitting on the couch.
00:17:58.314 --> 00:18:00.221
He asked me from like for like ibuprofen, um, some pills, and I go get them.
00:18:00.221 --> 00:18:01.806
And I'm like, why, why were you doing that?
00:18:01.806 --> 00:18:05.615
I didn't feel well mentally, like I, emotionally, like I just didn't feel right.
00:18:05.615 --> 00:18:07.239
Why wouldn't you just be quiet?
00:18:07.239 --> 00:18:09.221
You know, so we can get in and out.
00:18:09.221 --> 00:18:13.215
And he was like me and the kids were having fun.
00:18:14.017 --> 00:18:16.423
Everyone was looking at you like you were crazy.
00:18:16.423 --> 00:18:25.038
And it's crazy because when I look back, when I was in the store, people were looking at me weird and I don't know it's just because maybe I didn't feel well.
00:18:25.038 --> 00:18:26.561
It was reading on my face.
00:18:26.561 --> 00:18:31.401
I thought that when I was in the store and I never said anything about it.
00:18:31.401 --> 00:18:38.153
So when he said that when we got home, everybody was looking at you like you were crazy, I literally blacked out.
00:18:38.153 --> 00:19:15.101
I took the pills, that the open bottle of pills, and I went to the kitchen, I threw them everywhere and like I still can't even fully remember, I think I feel like I was I know I was hysterically crying and I don't know if I was envisioning myself putting a bunch of pills in my mouth or if I was actually doing it Like I lost sense of reality in that moment and I wanted to commit suicide and so, yeah, and so I want to definitely tell the listeners emotional, mental abuse and, mind you, that's what I had been experiencing majority of the time.
00:19:15.221 --> 00:19:16.922
It's so deadly and toxic.
00:19:16.922 --> 00:19:29.771
It's just as bad as physical abuse, if not worse than it, because the scars are invisible, like they're crazy.
00:19:29.771 --> 00:19:30.193
You know what I mean?
00:19:30.193 --> 00:19:31.681
Because everything looks good on the outside, but internally you're dying.
00:19:31.681 --> 00:19:33.248
It's like invisible chains that are keeping you there.
00:19:33.248 --> 00:19:33.851
You know what I mean.
00:19:33.851 --> 00:19:48.278
So it's so important to pay attention to those red flags because it could it could lead you to wanting to commit suicide, because that's what happened to me, you know, and and not not really telling family what's going on, the isolation.
00:19:48.278 --> 00:19:49.082
You know what I mean.
00:19:54.009 --> 00:19:55.434
I wasn't really telling people what was going on.
00:19:55.434 --> 00:19:56.659
So let me know if you have any questions.
00:19:56.659 --> 00:19:59.006
Go on, honey, you go on, share it, share it.
00:19:59.750 --> 00:20:00.050
Yeah.
00:20:00.050 --> 00:20:04.500
So after that point I had to go to the emergency room.
00:20:04.500 --> 00:20:12.303
So he dials 911 and tells them that I attempted to commit suicide and the medics checked me out.
00:20:12.303 --> 00:20:17.289
I agreed to go with them to the emergency room so that they can, like, evaluate me and stuff like that.
00:20:17.289 --> 00:20:24.844
And so they ended up giving me like a referral to intensive outpatient therapy.
00:20:24.844 --> 00:20:26.432
It's like a six week program.
00:20:26.432 --> 00:20:31.042
You go for four hours Monday through Thursday, something like that.
00:20:31.042 --> 00:20:35.349
So they gave me that and I do do the therapy, and this is the first time I ever had gotten therapy.
00:20:35.470 --> 00:20:42.073
The whole time I was in that relationship and never gotten help for anything, which I do recommend because sometimes it's necessary.
00:20:42.073 --> 00:20:52.873
And so he ends up coming about an hour later with the kids into the room and one of the first things he says to me is he says this is us.
00:20:52.873 --> 00:21:00.836
He was telling me that this is our business, don't tell anybody about this, like don't tell your family that this happened.
00:21:00.836 --> 00:21:03.582
And I was like and I didn't.
00:21:03.582 --> 00:21:04.509
You know what I mean.
00:21:04.509 --> 00:21:10.914
Like he had a way to spin things to where it was, like you know, they're just all in our you know to spin things where it's like.
